The Questions I Wish I Had Asked

I recently attended a training on Youth Mental Health First Aid.  The training was excellent, and I highly recommended it for anyone who interacts with adolescents - not just educators, but parents, grandparents, volunteers, anyone.  Seriously, if this training is offered near you, please go.

I have always considered myself to be a good listener, but this course moved beyond that.  It taught me not only how to listen, but also how to find help for those struggling with mental health challenges.  Too often people do not want to talk about mental health but we should.  Whether it is depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse or bipolar disorder, there is a good chance that someone around you is impacted.  I learned that 22% of kids age 13-18 have a mental or addictive disorder.* That is one in five.  Think about your own circle of family and friends.  Do you have someone that might fit in this category?  I do.

For me, the hardest part of the day was when we moved to the discussion of suicide.  The discussion was good and productive.  I learned the signs I should look for and the questions I should ask.  I have a dear friend that took her own life a little over a year ago.  The loss of my friend is still raw, so I will admit I had to leave the room for a bit during these discussions.  As we were asked to role play how to talk to someone that might be considering suicide, all I could think of was how much I wish I had taken this training earlier.  Perhaps then I would have known what to ask.  Getting teary eyed in front of my colleagues was not in my plan for the day, but hey principals have emotions too.  I know you are shocked to hear that, right? 

Moving forward, I feel like I am now better prepared to help someone in need.  Whether that someone is a member of my family, a friend or a student, I feel like I have a better understanding of how to listen and how to provide nonjudgemental help.

If you have a moment, check out the Mental Health First Aid Website.  If you have more than a moment, attend a training.  I bet you will learn something and maybe even save a friend.

http://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/cs/

*Kitchner, B. (2012). Youth mental health first aid USA: For adults assisting young people. Baltimore, MD: Mental Health Association of Maryland.

Opening the Door Through Pictures

Mom: "How was your day?"

Lovely but not very talkative child: "Fine."

Mom: "What did you do today?"

Child: "I don't know, stuff"


Sound like a conversation at your house? Mine too. It is a conversation that happens in many households.

As an educator, I am trying to shake this up. I want moms and dads to know what happened at school. I cannot communicate verbally with every family each day, but I can open a window to the school through pictures.

http://cliparts.co/camera-clip-art-free

At the beginning of each school year, and as new students enroll, they are given a photo opt out form. This form lets families know that I love to share the great things that are happening at our school through the newspaper and also through social media. If parents do not want their child's picture included, they just need to sign the opt-out form.

I have a Twitter account @mrs_schwartz where I try to tweet pictures throughout the week. Videos are shared through our district's Facebook and YouTube accounts. In addition, I have teachers and a wonderful PTO that share pictures through Twitter and Facebook. We used to share pictures only on our district website, but we realized that was not always effective. In order for parents to see the pictures, they had to make a conscience decision to visit the website periodically. Just what busy families need, another thing on the to do list. Instead we went to where moms and dads already were - Facebook and Twitter.

In my other role as mom, I have seen just how wonderful this can be for parents. My daughter is a Girl Scout and her troop has a Facebook page. Recently they did one of those over night trips to the zoo. This Nervous-Nellie of a mother kissed my daughter good-bye and hoped she would not be eaten by a lion. Okay, I know the lions have not eaten a Girl Scout in a long time, if ever, but still this mom worries. Her troop leaders were awesome though. Not only did they protect my daughter from the lions, they took pictures throughout the trip and posted them to the troop's Facebook page. I could see that my daughter was not missing any limbs courtesy of those hungry lions and sure enough she had a big smile on her face throughout the night! Also, when she came home I had tons of conversation starters. "Hey, tell me about that food you were making for the polar bears." and "What did you think of that night hike through the zoo?" Would she have talked about these things without me seeing the pictures? Maybe, but it sure was nice to have that starting point. In addition, my daughter loves to go back and look at the pictures now that the trip is over. It is like her own little scrap book. 

http://www.clipartpanda.com/categories/lion-clipart-for-kids

That's what I want for the families in my school. I want them to see what is happening in the building. I know that moms and dads are busy and cannot always come in, so let me open the door through pictures.

We have good stuff happening and I want you to see it!

Shiny Stones

Frequently people ask me what the discipline system looks like in my home.  I have two elementary school age daughters, and to be honest the system has changed over the years.  The girls' needs have changed, and I have learned more too.  Parenting is hard work!  Things are always changing! 

The current system I am using came after I realized I needed to practice what I preach.  At school, I am frequently talking about the importance of positive behavior reinforcement.  I was doing some positive reinforcement at home with verbal praise and of course hugs, but I realized I needed to do more.  I was finding myself prompting, reminding, nagging and then getting angry way too often, so several months ago I decided it was time to shake it up.

I pulled out a jar of fancy, shiny stones and a cup with each girls' names on it.  I explained to my daughters that they could earn stones for good behavior.  Each stone would be cashed in later for electronics time.  At first, I was giving stones left and right and each stone was worth two minutes of electronics time.  I made sure to give out a lot of stones at first because I wanted the girls to buy into the system, and I wanted them to see what good behavior looked like.  It worked great!  I was passing out stones for good manners, getting ready quickly for school, etc.  They were totally motivated and were working hard to show good behavior in order to earn a stone.  Plus an added bonus -  when the girls cashed in their stones, they were calculating how much electronic time they earned. (secret math lesson!)  Another perk - I didn't have to be the electronics police anymore.  We went from me telling them when they needed to put the electronics down, to the girls knowing how much time they had bought and taking care of it themselves.  They would set the timer and when the timer went off, they were done.

After a few weeks, I knew we were ready to pull back a bit.  I still passed out stones but not as frequently.  As a result, I also made the stones worth more.  Each stone was now worth five minutes of electronics time.  It still worked!  

Several months later it is still working.  There are of course moments when I nag and get angry, but not nearly as much as before.  There's a more positive vibe in the house, and that is awesome.  Also my girls are using way less electronic time.  They are saving their stones to cash in for longer chunks of time (usually about 20-30 minutes), so electronics are used much more sparingly.

Will this method work forever?  I wish!  Realistically though, I know it probably won't.  My kids' needs will change and the system will probably need to change too, but for now, positive behavior is being reinforced, my kids are motivated, and I'm not a grumpy mom (usually).