I Almost Pulled My Hair Out!

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It seriously took all my patience to not pull my hair out. 

What was I doing that was so nerve-wracking?  I was letting my daughters type an email to our family members.  They composed the email together and my oldest daughter did well, but when the little one stepped in to help, oh boy.  She had trouble finding the correct keys and took five minutes to type one sentence.  It was enough to put this tired mom over the edge.  So what did I do?  Nothing.  I let her type the email all by herself.  When she was done, thankfully I still had hair and she was super proud of herself.

Sometimes the hardest job as a parent is to not step in to help or take over.  Whether it is chores or homework, we have to remember kids often learn the most when we give them some independence.  If they want or need our help, they will let us know but until then it is okay to give them some space to grow on their own.  The control freak in me will have to take a break, and hopefully I'll still have some hair and some independent, confident daughters when the day is done.    

Shiny Stones

Frequently people ask me what the discipline system looks like in my home.  I have two elementary school age daughters, and to be honest the system has changed over the years.  The girls' needs have changed, and I have learned more too.  Parenting is hard work!  Things are always changing! 

The current system I am using came after I realized I needed to practice what I preach.  At school, I am frequently talking about the importance of positive behavior reinforcement.  I was doing some positive reinforcement at home with verbal praise and of course hugs, but I realized I needed to do more.  I was finding myself prompting, reminding, nagging and then getting angry way too often, so several months ago I decided it was time to shake it up.

I pulled out a jar of fancy, shiny stones and a cup with each girls' names on it.  I explained to my daughters that they could earn stones for good behavior.  Each stone would be cashed in later for electronics time.  At first, I was giving stones left and right and each stone was worth two minutes of electronics time.  I made sure to give out a lot of stones at first because I wanted the girls to buy into the system, and I wanted them to see what good behavior looked like.  It worked great!  I was passing out stones for good manners, getting ready quickly for school, etc.  They were totally motivated and were working hard to show good behavior in order to earn a stone.  Plus an added bonus -  when the girls cashed in their stones, they were calculating how much electronic time they earned. (secret math lesson!)  Another perk - I didn't have to be the electronics police anymore.  We went from me telling them when they needed to put the electronics down, to the girls knowing how much time they had bought and taking care of it themselves.  They would set the timer and when the timer went off, they were done.

After a few weeks, I knew we were ready to pull back a bit.  I still passed out stones but not as frequently.  As a result, I also made the stones worth more.  Each stone was now worth five minutes of electronics time.  It still worked!  

Several months later it is still working.  There are of course moments when I nag and get angry, but not nearly as much as before.  There's a more positive vibe in the house, and that is awesome.  Also my girls are using way less electronic time.  They are saving their stones to cash in for longer chunks of time (usually about 20-30 minutes), so electronics are used much more sparingly.

Will this method work forever?  I wish!  Realistically though, I know it probably won't.  My kids' needs will change and the system will probably need to change too, but for now, positive behavior is being reinforced, my kids are motivated, and I'm not a grumpy mom (usually).  

Journal of Memories

This year my daughter and I started a very low tech form of communication . . . a mom and daughter journal.  I wanted to create a fun way to encourage her to write and a way to record some of our memories.

We started the journal about mid-way through her first grade year.  I let her purchase a special notebook at school - which she was SUPER excited about.  Something about putting quarters in that vending machine just makes her day!  We used the notebook to write letters back and forth to one another.  Nothing fancy.  Sometimes the letters are only a few sentences long, but she gets so excited when she gets a new letter from me.  We write about the events at the time, her thoughts, whatever.  It's just a fun way to communicate.  We don't write to each other everyday.  If we get to it once a week, that's great.  There was even an unfortunate period when I cleaned the house and put it in a "very safe place" that I couldn't remember.  Yikes!  Luckily I found it this week, so the letters have begun again.

It has been interesting to see how her handwriting and writing skills have changed over just the past few months.  I hope the journal is something we continue doing.  I know she probably won't want to write to me when she's a teenager, but I am going to cherish this time while I've got it!

February

June